It’s interesting that in 33 years of life in this world, I feel like I’ve grown up so much in just the past year. I found a new sense of confidence that has led me to be able to stand up for myself and my kids in situations that I find uncomfortable instead of letting things go that maybe shouldn’t slide. It hasn’t been easy, but every time I speak up, I feel like I did the right thing. And I’m overcome with this deep sense of empowerment and pride. I’m calling it a lesson in “adulting”
Sometimes when I think about myself, I think about how I can be nice to a fault. I think kindness is truly an amazing quality until you sacrifice your confidence or self-worth and then you’re not actually really being kind. I have been raised to look at situations with different lenses because there is always more to the story. Humans are complicated and we all have our different feelings about things. There is often one person telling you how they feel and another whose story is unheard. Anyway, I think saying something and opening yourself up to hear where someone is coming from, especially if that someone is a friend or part of your family, gives you relief in itself. Don’t other people deserve a chance to explain themselves?
About 10 years ago, I witnessed a relative make a cruel comment to my brother. And I didn’t say or do anything about it. I remember sitting there, probably a few beers deep, and thinking well maybe I heard it wrong. Maybe it was a bad joke. Maybe they were just being an idiot. And I look back and think why why why didn’t I say something. Thinking of the excuses I made for that situation still gives me a pit in my stomach knowing that I didn’t speak up because I was afraid of being wrong or confrontational. And I’ve never forgotten that horrible feeling of letting my brother down.
I’ve recently had a few situations where I had to address something uncomfortable but important and because I couldn’t do it in person, I knew it had to be over the phone. I felt so awkward and stressed but I knew it was the right way to go. Texting takes out context and tone and I personally think it’s always better to get a point across by talking. Plus, you have the ability to say what you mean without hiding behind a screen. This particular situation was uncomfortable because both of us involved were frustrated and angry, but after I made a phone call, I was so proud of myself for the way I handled it. I think we both felt way better after talking.
I’ll be honest, it can take me a while to process things. I have to sit on something to really gather my thoughts and better articulate how I’m feeling. So those in-the-moment situations aren’t my specialty, but I hope if they’re clearly upsetting for me or my children, I can act quickly enough.
If I speak up, my children will learn to speak up too. I remember my mom always standing up for us and for herself. And she did it with such grace. To me that’s very admirable and important.
As our kids get older and we enter different seasons of parenting, I know there will be moments where I have to advocate for my kids and it will be awkward or uncomfortable. Whether that’s at school, with changing friendships, babysitting wars, or needing to create new boundaries among our own friends and family, I know I’ll have to do what’s hard to do what’s right. And that can mean some discomfort. But at the end of the day, I hope that shows I’m honest and protective, and that I’ll always have my children’s back, even if sometimes its just by having my own. I think the people in my life will learn to trust me because they know I’ll alway be forthcoming and honest with them.
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Lizzylovesletters says
So proud of you. I always think of you when standing up for people and being willing to have tough conversations. Keep it up mama.