The other night, I started browsing through my 176 iphone videos, 99% of them being videos of Charlie. It’s funny how we find everything they do extraordinary. I had tears in my eyes as I watched him swing in his swing for the first time, a little boy who looks completely different and IS different now.
The Days are Long, the Years are Short.
I find myself repeating this frequently as a reminder that even on a sloooooow Monday or the dullest of Tuesdays, this kid is LOVING life, each and every day. And he is only growing bigger and getting older. The memories I have of those sweet newborn moments are stored in videos, pictures, and familiar sounds and smells.
The other day, I listened as a woman who is not a wife or mom gave her insight about how every woman needs a life of her own and having a goal of being a stay-at-home-mom is giving up on yourself and creates a strain on marriage. This topic is not new to me but instead of taking offense, I took it with a grain of salt. She’s not in this position. She has no idea. Maybe she will someday.
Staying home with Charlie was a decision Eric and I made together. One that I feel very fortunate we COULD make. And I feel so fulfilled being at home with my baby. While I agree that everyone needs something of their own (I choose blogging, photography, and exercise), that something looks different for everyone. I think each of us is doing the best we can for ourselves and our families.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I have changed over the last 10 months since Charlie came into the world. I knew my life would be different but I didn’t realize how much I would change myself. I thought I’d always be the same but a little more grown up.
Motherhood is a whirlwind of emotion. Some days I am anxious about everything and others I feel totally confident. I’m sensitive, sappy, and silly. I’ll sing opera or do a crazy dance: anything to make my child laugh. I’m more patient and less judgmental now that I know things aren’t always as they seem. I had these ideas in my mind before we had kids about what I would and wouldn’t do as a parent and I’ve noticed some of those hard rules bending a bit. You don’t realize how tough certain situations can be in the moment and sometimes you just have to do what makes you feel comfortable and at ease.
These days I LOVE getting in bed before 9 with a book and enjoying a really good glass of wine. I cherish SLEEP and ME time. I plan date nights far in advance so Eric and I always have something to look forward to. And I’m totally okay with spending a Saturday night in watching Netflix and making dinner. I’m learning to embrace a much slower pace of life.
So honestly, I guess motherhood really has just made me feel more grown up. And complete. Charlie adds so much vibrance and excitement to my life in ways I never imagined. I feel like the same goofy and adventurous person I’ve always been but with more responsibility and purpose.
I’m so grateful every day that I am and always will be his MOM.
*photos by Madeline Harper
